BRAINSKIP 11 – ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, THERE IS NO SANTA!

In honour of this weeks star of the show, Julian Assange, (Assange derived from the Australian, Ass-Anger –which translates to In Your Face World!!!) was released on bail in London this week after accusations of sexual assault in Sweden for having unprotected sex (very catholic of him) and also of having sex with a woman who was asleep, (also a very ..yeah you see where I’m going) So this week, we’re wondering what other diplomatic cables of extraordinary revelation lie in waiting. We’ve discovered the Americans spy, the Iranians lie and that in war innocent people die, and that you can rhyme when you don’t try. Lots of things we already knew but chose to ignore. But what if he’s saving the really good stuff for last?

ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, WE CAN TIME TRAVEL

Recently a clip was discovered of a premiere of one of Charlie Chaplins films and a gentleman, (they were all gents back then) appears to walk buy holding a phone to his ear. It’s quite uncanny how it looks like he’s talking to someone on a phone. But it was the beginning of the 20th century and everyone had gone a bit do=lally, anyone remember the 1^st world war??

And if that doesn’t prove it, simply get a delorean and some plutonium from some terrorists and some guitar skills and will, change your name to McFly…McFlyyyyy!! Best Film to watch over Xmas…is all I’ll say!

ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, THIS WILL BE XMAS NO. 1 IN IRELAND…

Hailing from the place where strangers fear to tread, yes Limerick, we’re looking at you, the last outpost of the Wild West in Ireland, The Rubberbandits this week broke through from Cult to Mainstream with the widespread viral of their video for Horse Outside. This is not even remotely like last years campaign to get Rage Against the Machine to Number 1 in the UK in protest at X Factor. There’s so many reasons to protest in Ireland, we just figured a large amount of swearing that’s as funny as ******* **** will do…Many people thought this idea wouldn’t travel outside of Ireland but they were wrong…Everyone in the world knows someone who has a horse outside.

ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, THERE IS NO GOD…

Besides enraging several Hick religious leaders in the Central States of America, and being a much safer bet than haveing the Middle East erupt with rage after saying there is no such thing as M********D, this would seem like a safe bet. Particular as Richard Dawkins has done all the ground work. Say there’s no God, and then dare him to prove otherwise. But what if he/she, (spot the pc-friendly addition) turns up. Wouldn’t the big G. be angry? Wouldn’t the big G. take out his/her rage on you…or maybe a nearby tree…

ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, NEXT YEARS BLOCKBUSTER “THOR” IS JUST A RIP OFF OF “MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE” WITH DOLPH LUNDGREN

If you take a look at the new trailer for Thor, next years first Superhero Scandinavian Movie, (unless they decide to make a movie about Wikileaks Founder from Another planet Assange)… It bears many similarities to an oft forgotten film of our childhood, Masters of the Universe, lots of swords, big halls, father issues, more male flesh than woman flesh, and there’s even a touch of the Flash Gordon about it all.

So yeah, lots of intergalactic danger, some codswallop and some really good actors playing baddies, fake tans all round, weird facial deformities, it’s just the difference that HD makes, lets face it.

ACCORDING TO WOOKIELEAKS, WOOKIES ARE FILTHY CREATURES!!

There is actually a site called wookiepedia.com, so it’s equivelant, Wookieleaks has startling revelations to offer, such as the above. And we’ve uncovered this shocking picture of wookie behaviour, which was covered up in the ensuing settlement between chewy and leia. He was released on bail as well in the original trial. Spooky…

ACCORDING TO WIKILEAKS, THERE IS LIFE OUT THERE…

Professor Stephen Hawking warned earlier this year against hoping for alien life, because if it’s out there, and it does reach us, it will probably have the technological capability of wiping us off the planet. But sure, who doesn’t love Close Encounters of the Third Kind or ET. And while we’re at it, here’s a compliation of daft lights in the sky that someone thought would prove there’s life out there, and they’re illuminated!

Or maybe Santa is an Alien. Who knows what Wikileaks will tell us next??